ProfessorBainbridge.com

Frank Caliendo nails Mel Kiper

I love Frank Caliendo (saw his act in Vegas and he killed). His impression of ESPN draft asshole guru Mel Kiper might be even better than Caliendo's impression of John Madden:

BTW, I'm tweeting NFL draft reactions at @ProfBainbridge

Somewhere Peyton Manning is very happy

This definitely makes Denver a solid favorite to repeat as Division champs and make another run for the Super Bowl, but does it change either Manning or Welker's fantasy value?

Wes Welker lands a two-year, $12 million deal from the Broncos. Demaryius Thomas, Eric Decker, Wes Welker. Have fun, Peyton.

— Adam Schefter (@AdamSchefter) March 13, 2013

Football question of the day

After watching the Seattle Seahawks dismantle my beloved Washington Redskins, and reviewing these stats:

Griffin set a rookie record for passer rating at 102.4, but Wilson (100.0) also broke the mark that was set by Ben Roethlisberger of the Pittsburgh Steelers in 2004 (98.1).

Wilson threw 26 touchdown passes to tie the NFL rookie record that Peyton Manning set with the Colts in 1998, but Griffin threw 20 TD passes and only five interceptions.

I can't help but wonder whether the Redskins should have kept all those draft picks they traded to the Rams to get Griffin and drafted Wilson in, say, the second round. RGIII may be the better player in the long run, but will he be that much better to justify losing three first round players? And what if Wilson turns out to be the next Drew Brees?

Rex Ryan's tattoo is wrong in so many ways

I don't understand the appeal of tattoos in general. But this specific one takes the cake:

Finally, Jet fans can see exactly why Rex Ryan Mark Sanchez.

Ryan, vacationing in the Bahamas days after his Jets limped to a 6-10 season finish, sported a Rex-rated tattoo on his right bicep, featuring his wife, Michelle, wearing Sanchez’s No. 6 jersey — and nothing else.

I mean, I knew Ryan was a kinky bastard, but this is off the charts.

Memo to Jerry Jones

According to NFL.com, Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones is hopping mad about his team's middling season:

"I'm very disappointed. I thought we missed a great opportunity (to win Sunday)," Jones said. "... I can assure fans that it's going to be very uncomfortable for the next couple of weeks and months at Valley Ranch."

Added Jones: "Change is necessary at 8-8. A change will happen."

All those years in Sunday School (before I crossed the Tiber) now come in handy, since they enable me to point Mr. Jones to Matthew 7:3-5.

As a FB friend noted:

For a while there, [Redskins owner Dan] Snyder was a Jones Mini Me, but he seemed to have learned lessons that Jerry refuses to learn.

Which prompted another to write:

Was actually just going to write essentially SLT's last comment. Synder has relinquished decision-making to Shanahan and Shanny's hand-picked GM. Which is probably right, since Shanny sucked as a GM, with the exception of either an uncanny penchant for finding RB talent or a RB-friendly offense. We'll see if RGIII takes a sophomore slump ala Cam Newton. If not, you've got the nucleus of a contender for the next decade. The Cowboys' window is rapidly closing, as Romo, Ware, and Witten are leaving their prime.

Problem is that Jerry, because he played college football before any of us were born---and I'm not a young man--- thinks he's a "football guy."

Yep. (And it makes me happy.)

The suckfest that was my fantasy football season

A season that started out with high hopes has ended in an unmitigated disaster. Da Commish in the PB.com rotisserie league plummeted to nearly the bottom of the league early in the season, but managed to claw its way back up to fourth out of 12. The Unseen Academicals finished 11th out of 12 in the PB.com H2H league and lost in the first round of the consolation playoffs. UCLAW did pretty well for much fo the season and even led the league in weeks 15 and 16, but a disastrous final weekend dropped it all the way to 4th out of eight teams in Charles' rotisserie league. Cowboys Drool finished the season tied for 6th in Charles' "Cowboys Rule" eight-team H2H league, then lost the first game of the consolation playoffs to finish dead last.

Hail to the Redskins

The title of this post will probably send some of my far-left, hyper-politically correct students running to complain to the Dean, the Chancellor, and the Daily Bruin about my insensitivty and general political incorrectness. Again. (Not that I'm bitter or anything.)

But I just don't give a damn. As a lifelong Washington Redskins fan, which had been driven to and past the fandom breaking point by little Danny Snyder these last many years, it did my heart good to see the 'Skins rally behind the great RGIII to get into the playoffs by beating--best of all--the evil Jones empire. (America's team, my ass.)

Yes, I know I supposedly switched allegiances when I bought stock in the Packers. But I've been a 'Skins fan for 43 years and that's a hard habit to break.

Watching the Jets Implode

I have no particular brief for or against the NY Jets, so I come to the disaster they've made of their season with no preconceived biases. Even so, it's been so much fun watching them self-implode that I've started rooting for them to get even worse--making the unlikely assumption that that is even possible--just to ramp up the amusement value even more. As Jason Gay remarked in today's WSJ:

... the Jets keep cranking out the laughs, week after week, like a hardworking vaudeville revue. The jokes are broad and accessible. Football likes to view itself as a sophisticated, intricate endeavor, but the Jets play a type of football a toddler could love. The quarterback—he ran into a guy's butt, and fumbled!

Good triumphed over evil

38-28

Fantasy Football Update: Too little, too late?

Second solid weekend in a row, but is it too late?

In the PB.com Head to head league:

In Tabbster's Head to Head league:

In my roto league, I remain mired in 7th place, but a strong weekend (thank you Doug Martin) vaulted me into second place in the Tabbster's roto league:

Redskin Rule Predicts Romney

As a life-long Washington redskins fan, it pains me whenever they lose. But yesterday's loss pains me a little less than usual. As Wikipedia explains, the Redskins Rule predicts a Romney win:

If the Redskins win their last home game before the election, the party that won the previous election wins the next election and that if the Redskins lose, the challenging party's candidate wins. ...

On November 4, 2012, the Redskins lost against the Carolina Panthers. It was the last home game for the Redskins before the 2012 Presidential Election, which will take place on November 6. If the Redskins Rule holds true in the upcoming election, it predicts a loss for incumbent Barack Obama against challenger Mitt Romney.

As a card-carrying member of the anybody-but-Obama club, I'd happily give up a Redskins win if the rule holds true.

By this afternoon, we should know who'll win the election

Why? Very simple: The Redskin Rule says that if the Redskins win their last home game prior to the Presidential election, the incumbent party stays in office. If they lose, the challenger party wins. (There are more complicated versions that try to explain occasional deviations, but the simple rule works most of the time.) Obviously, this is a case of a spurious correlation rather than causation, but I'll still be rooting against the 'Skins today.

The amazing Peyton Manning

Well, that was quite a half of football. Peyton Manning went 13-of-14 passing for 167 yards and 3 TDs in the second half of the Denver Bronco's game against the Chargers to lead them on a 35 unanswered point comeback from 24-0 down. One of the greatest performances I've ever seen. Granted, it wasn't quite up to the level of Doug Williams in the second quarter of Super Bowl XXII, but it still was a historic effort. Especially for a guy a lot of people (including me) had written off.

Check out the history Peyton made tonight:

In the unlikely event that I need a quarterback to lead a 4th quarter comeback to get me out of Purgatory and through the Pearly Gates, I want Peyton doing it.

The Natural Law and Fair Play: Protesting Incompetent Officiating in the NFL

The appeal of, some might say the obsession for, sports in our society reflects not merely a desire for recreation and release (which are legitimate human desires) but an internal need to see good human traits modeled.  Against the sometimes random imposition of harms and garnishing of goods, sports at its ideal elevates quality above mediocrity, hard work above laziness, skill above chance, and even right above wrong.

As with any human endeavor, our ideals fall short.  But if a sports activity fails to comport with expectations of fair play on a regular basis, the pattern of inequity undermines our sense of integrity.  When the rules are not faithfully applied, we are discouraged.  If the rules are constantly flouted – or misapplied – we are demoralized.  Indeed, if those who apply the rules lack proficiency and the outcome of the contest then is determined by incompetent application, the effect over time can undermine character, because the worst of human traits are then modeled.

Such is becoming the case in the National Football League.  As the owners’ lockout of the officials stretches past the third week of the regular season, the incidents of obvious failures in application of the rules and embarrassingly poor calls continue to multiply.

via mirrorofjustice.blogs.com

Natural law compels bringing back the regular refs. I love it.

Fourth and final fantasy football draft

Last draft of season. H2H. Touchdown heavy half point per reception scoring. 2 @ WR & RB. 1 @ QB, W/R/T flex, DST and K. 6 @ Bench riders.

The football guys do not like my draft:

QB: Tom Brady, Jay Cutler
RB: DeMarco Murray, Fred Jackson, Peyton Hillis, Cedric Benson
WR: Wes Welker, Steve Johnson, Jordy Nelson, Santonio Holmes, Titus Young
TE: Jermichael Finley, Greg Olsen
PK: David Akers
TD: Houston Texans

Overview: This team is built around strong quarterback play. But it has some issues post-draft. Your only real core strength is at quarterback, yet that's often the easiest position to fill during the season. Your relative lack of strength at running back and receiver have the potential to make things challenging for you.

In contrast, I like my team. I don't love it, but I like it. I've got 3 starting RBs, plus TD vulture Hillis. Welker and Johnson who should be solid in this semi-PPR league, and if Nelson comes close to last years TD numbers, he'll be huge in this league with the scoring emphasis in TDs. Brady should rock and roll as usual.